Monday, 1 February 2016

A Quranic Reflection

A reflection by a Sister upon completing Surah Al Baqarah:

" Before I embarked on this journey with Al Huda I was floating in sin, shamefully yes yes yes yes , that’s exactly how I would phrase it as I just sinned so much and I didn’t  care. Those were not sins I committed unknowingly but was fully aware of all consequences and I thought to myself I am one big hypocrite who is able to cheat the world with my smile but with all the sinning I was unhappy and unsuccessful. I felt like there was no return for me, I was a hopeless case, I will never find guidance or mercy. I failed my MD dissertation due to time restrain which made me angry and I just continued to retaliate by sinning further … who was I retaliating against …. My Rabb , He didn’t need me, I need HIM. I was scared and I needed that big U turn in my life.

What always worked for me even as a child and teenager was attending dawah classes but where do I go and where was the time ?? I was  so busy with my MD part 1 exams!  One day I walk in to this function and sit at a table where I know no one, but the ladies around that table only discussed one thing ..Quranic verses. I wanted to know more , I asked around and found out but didn’t have time to go or was being held back by a force- my nafs.

I prayed but didn’t leave much time for dua, I thought after failing the  dissertation there’s no point asking for anything more … my dua list consisted of rabbana athina dua , dua for my parents and family and yes I always without fail monotonously asked for guidance. I was scared and I didn’t know why ??I was guilty .

Right after my MD part 1 exam ,I couldn’t take it anymore this constant unrest in my soul ,I firmly decided I am going to that Olympic house. I went for one class ,which became two then three ,four, five, six and they were going to finish sura al baqara but I was ADDICTED …what do I do now??

Ramadan came and alhamdulilah shaitaan was tied and all so I remained connected to my lord. I begged him to guide me and not let me go back to my sea of sins. Allah loves me , He answered my dua ,alhamdulilah Al Huda Sri Lanka was born! This dua for Al Huda to have a branch in Sri Lanka was made way back in 1999 when I was a third year med student in Lahore. I didn’t waste anytime and promptly registered .

My journey with the Quran was just amazing ! I have no words to describe it. Alhamdulilah! I learnt repeatedly that my Rabb was merciful and forgiving in sura baqara , that meant it’s not too late to change. He who gave so many chances to Bani Israeel to repent and reform will for sure I know l give me chance to repent and reform. In my duas I begged for forgiveness knowing for sure and hoping that He will forgive.

Sura al Baqara constantly commanded “adopt taqwa” this phrase drastically changed my life. I became conscious of my merciful Lord , this kept me away from doing wrong . In the laboratory there is a saying “doing what is right while no one is watching” for perfect laboratory skills and results.  Taqwa is like that to me. Keeping away from sin and doing what is right, only to please Allah, expecting  the reward only from Him.

The verses have a pattern of alternating  Allah’s mercy ,followed by verses on His wrath for those who disobey, verses that leave us hoping for His mercy and fearing His punishment.

I thought I will be under immense stress trying to cope with my classes at al huda, work and the home front. Subhanallah , when I busied my life pleasing Allah , Allah took care of all aspects of my life. I am excelling at work alhamdulilah, and am confident I will do just fine with my MD part two next year insha-Allah, as I have help from the lord of the alameen. My husband enjoys having a less grouchy less stressed wife because I was commanded to do ihsaan and my parents  enjoy the renewed  attention they get from their daughter.

My effort to please Allah by learning His Quran and and by putting His commands in to action has only made my life better, stress free and happy. Alhamdulilah!"

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